OCD Hope

From my experience with intrusive thoughts, the kind that go against what we value, they can cause so much anxiety, sadness and guilt. You may be feeling depressed because the thoughts that bother you so much are wearing you down. That's what happened to me. I bought into the thoughts and assumed that they had some value about who I am and because of that, buying into them, I'd taken ownership of them and they were no longer chemical reactions but something that I needed to be concerned about, to worry about, to fix. I grasped them so strongly in my hand and wouldn't let go. The ironic truth is that those thoughts are like hot coals that we hold onto. We try to fix them when what we really need to do is let go of them. Why would one purposefully hold onto something that hurts them so much?  You are giving energy and power to thoughts that occurred in the past and projecting how they may impact you later, the future. All we have is the present, the now.  OCD thrive...

I strongly believe that people should help one another and that people are always more important than money. I've become sickened by the lack of compassion and ethics that some companies in this country believe is acceptable.  I ran across a story about a hospital in St. Joseph, Missouri. The hospital is now called Mosaic Life Care and was formerly known as Heartland Regional Medical Center. They are the only hospital in the region so people that need emergency care really have no other choice but to go to them. What they have been doing to their patients without health insurance is atrocious. The whistle blower for what's happened at this non-profit hospital is an investigative journalism piece by Pro Publica; one of the few truly objective, data and fact driven journalism organizations in this country.  I'll link the full story below. Mosaic Life Care (AKA Heartland Regional Medical Center) has been going after the working poor by garnishing their...

Is mindfulness mediation or is meditation mindfulness?  Mindfulness is a type of meditation. When I was first trying to wrap my head around what is commonly mixed up I used the analogy of an automobile and body types. You can purchase a sedan, a coupe, a crossover, a truck, a van; all automobiles just a different structural layout. Although thankfully you don't have to purchase mediation, you can practice different types such as mindfulness, transcendental or Zazen (sitting).  Mindfulness meditation has received so much attention in the West because of the scientific study it has received. Scientific study has proven that mindfulness is very beneficial to one's mental and physical health and that it does change the brain in ways that benefit us; yes neuroplasticity is real.  So if you are practicing mindfulness you are meditating. Whether you choose to explain the nuances of your practice to someone that asks what you're doing is up to you.

If you have OCD, the question of 'what if?' pops up in your brain quite a bit. So often that we become unaware of the chatter it's creating in the background. The last post, 'The Other OCD', briefly mentioned some of the thoughts that people with OCD experience. The list is far from comprehensive. A common reaction to the intrusive thoughts (obsessions) mentioned in the previous post is, "what if I'm the exception and I'm really a bad person?", "what if I'm one of the few people that feels horrible about these thoughts but I don't really have OCD?", "what if I secretly like having the thoughts?", "what if I seek help and the therapist reports me to the police?"  An example of a very common intrusive thought is "what if I were to harm someone?". It's an intrusive thought that isn't an OCD thought, it's a human thought. All people, those with OCD and those without OCD, have intrusive...

OCD takes the morals that you most cherish, the things that define the fabric of who you are and turns them against you. Beyond the behaviours of compulsive hand washing and checking lies the other OCD that doesn't get talked about often. It's the OCD that shows little to no outward behavioural actions. It exists in the form of thoughts that have the ability to make your world seem like it's ending and that life isn't worth living. Many refer to it as Pure O because it displays no apparent compulsions; physical behaviours. The name Pure OCD, or Pure O as it's often referred to, can be very misleading because it suggests that it's 'only' obsessions. It must not be that scary, anxiety provoking, debilitating, or there's nothing that can be done about it because it lacks a compulsion. Nothing could be further from the truth. I live with this type of OCD. I'm not trying to minimize the suffering and hell that people with washing and check...

The mental act of checking to see if a thought or feeling still 'bothers' you is very common for everyone and becomes a compulsion for someone with OCD. The checking is done because you want it (thought or feeling) to go away and you want to feel good. Checking is a self-defeating and dangerous loop to get into.  Acceptance means that you are willing to be present with the thought or feeling regardless of whether it's pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. Checking is done because you're not willing to accept the presence of the thought or feeling.  Lack of acceptance means you are placing value on and energy towards the thought or feeling. Trying to make it go away only moves you further away from acceptance; also giving this otherwise meaningless thought or feeling energy. Your brain literally places great importance on the thought or feeling and the thought or feeling then becomes much more powerful than the other thought that you just had about wanting a cup o...

A thank you to the people that reintroduced me to mindfulness and continue to teach me and guide me. https://www.headspace.com/blog/view/220/ headspacer-stories