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ROCD (Relationship OCD)

Relationship OCD is the term given to obsessions that focus on: fear of getting in a romantic relationship, fear that you are in the wrong relationship, fear that you don't love the person that you are with, fear that having romantic feelings for someone other than your significant other means that there's something wrong with the relationship you are in. By no means is this a complete list of fears but I hope you get the idea.

Relationship OCD is something that really bothered me at one time. It still bubbles up from time to time but not with the intensity or frequency that it used to. I remember experiencing a lot of sadness and pain with this obsession. When it first started bothering me, my fiance meant everything to me and I felt so alone and helpless because I had been able to talk to her about what was bothering me. This was so different than other OCD obsessions because I could at least talk to her about them or let her know what was bothering me. With ROCD I felt that I couldn't go into a lot of detail because it would crush her. My fiance and I got married and we've now been together for over 2 and a half years. It's not always happily ever after, but it is great.

I remember talking to my best friend about the thoughts that come with ROCD; I wanted someone to understand and relate to what I was going through. It wasn't until recently that I realized that as much as he tried or wanted to he could only get so close to understanding and relating because his mind worked much differently than my mind in direct regard to the specific thoughts that bothered me so much.

If you don't currently have a therapist and are able to find one I would highly recommend doing so. At least now with the ACA we can get health insurance and very hopefully find the treatment that we deserve and have been so long denied thanks to the extinction of the inhumane preexisting condition clause.

There are many things that have helped me make peace with OCD over the years however the big two that have had the biggest impact have been ERP and mindfulness. Imaginal Exposure, a type of ERP, greatly reduced the intensity associated with the obsession brought forth with ROCD. Mindfulness taught me a completely new way of relating to the thoughts that ROCD bombarded me with on an all too familiar basis. My therapist and others have helped me along the way because that's what this is, a process. It's a necessary process because life can be so different than how you are experiencing it now. 

Please feel free to contact me if you'd like. I don't have all the answers but I want you to know that there is hope. Don't give up on that.

A great blog that focuses on the topic of ROCD. I just ran across this and wanted to share:


  1. I just read this, i don't know if you still get these comments, but I'm going through it and it's so hard! My mind spins around and I feel scared most of the time...the "what if's" are killing me! I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and sometimes I feel I love him so much, but then the doubts and unpleasant sensations appear and it's as if love faded away....I'm actually seeing a therapist and sometimes I feel better, but it seems endless....any hope??

    1. There is hope! It does seem never ending at times. One thing that has always helped me with this particular obsession when I'm buying into it is to remind myself that true emotions happen organically, and that checking for the existence of an emotion is not only a compulsion but it will always leave you coming up empty handed. Please trust me on this. If I check for feelings for my wife I come up empty handed but when I do not engage in the compulsion. The feelings for my wife are there and occurring when I least expect them.

    2. I've gone through this as well. The accusations will play with your memories, heighten "what if" scenarios to unrealistic places. Being able to surrender things to God has brought me the most relief - but even though you beat it one week, it can come back.

      To not fight, truly is to win.

  2. Please email me directly at if there is more I can help you with. Don't give into OCD, it may be trying to rob you of someone you can have a great life with.

  3. Hi! I just sent you an e-mail, thank you so much =)

  4. What do you tell your significant other to help you with your ROCD?

  5. Does your significant other know that you have OCD?


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